Even if they advertise air conditioning, toilets on board and wireless Internet; You might very well board with your non refundable $18.25 ticket on a bus without any of the above that has a 20 minute rest stop — from which they will leave you.

A demonstration will occur where the information man opens and closes the emergency exit to suggest varying levels of available ventilation. As we proceed it becomes increasingly clear that this bus is a carpeted hoopty outfitted with throwback Greyhound seats. Sigh.

Sneeze. Wet and nasty, snorts the wonderfully loud Asian man to my left. Both of his phones ring constantly, he answers every call.

At least I got the window seat! I would lean to my right if I didn’t think the pane would trick open to become another emergency exit. The overhead luggage rack couldn’t fit the play pan from an Easy Bake oven. Bags at my feet, fearing some child spills their Hi C.

I am 5′ tall, yet my foot rest is stuck upright and sits my knees at a 90 degree angle.

Exhale… Inhaling would overwhelm me with cheap fragrance. Something is making me itch. Gross. Way to pick the crappy bus with the accommodating schedule.

It is experiences like these that lead me to take the train or fly the distance of a 4.5 hour drive. I am striving not to be frivolous. It is a test of stewardship.

Bourgeoisie Card… I hate to pull it. I fear I must.